[ It takes him a while to collect himself after a while, but he eventually goes ahead to search for Ann - the first place he'll be checking is her room, knocking on it rather politely.
If she isn't there, he'll take a look elsewhere, of course. ]
I think... there's some things that can't be fixed. At least not entirely.
[ He knows that all too well, from experience. ]
And you don't have to, Takamaki-san. That's your choice. The fact that the story that the Witch of Misfortune [ yeah, screw calling her by her true name ] said probably muddled up a lot of things, too, especially given that Akira-san was also...
[ "Dead", he doesn't say, but implies. And to be honest, seeing him come back to life like that made him feel something swirl in the pit of his stomach, conflicted about the act more than the fact that Akira was back... just to simply get punished again.
And it even hurt. It twisted in his chest that his original target was Takumi.
Because he had brought it up during the trial, after all. That because of the intent, they could have been targeting someone else... and then wound up killing Ryuji instead. The entirety of it is all messed up, in the end. He can't help but wonder. ]
Even if you can't forgive him... or what happened during the entirety of the trial. Do you hate him?
That's understandable. After all... [ he says this in a way that shows that it's from experience ] ... he looked and acted very similar to the other Akira-san that you knew. Right?
And I think he was sincere when he comforted me, when I was freaking out about some of my memories. And that he was trying to help. That part was true.
But moving past this... that's impossible. That was probably the biggest lie I told.
[she glances at him.]
I'm sorry, I just wanted to confess that to someone.
It's okay. I won't tell anyone, and I'm always here to talk when you need it, Takamaki-san.
And I think so, too. But... I understand, you know? What it's like. To see someone but it's not really them. And I've been on the other side of that as well, too. So if you ever want to talk about that, or anything at all, really... I'm willing to listen. To help as much as I can.
Kimihiro knows, too. There's actually... [ A pause, as he glances down, reaching towards his chest. ] Myself, and the person most important to me were copied. As clones for a certain man's purpose.
[...]
I'm also aware that in different worlds, it's possible that you might run into someone familiar. Someone that looks like someone that you've met before, but they aren't the same person.
What you should do is a choice that you have to make yourself, Takamaki-san. It's not something that I can tell you to do.
But I can tell you what I did. Even if they looked the same... they were, in the end, different people. So I always treated them as their own separate person. Because that's what they are, you know? It's kind of how you treat me and Kimihiro as different people, right? Even though we share the same existence.
[ It's a little later in the day when Syaoran decides to seek out Ann alone. He's going to be checking her room first (knocking, naturally) - mostly because he wants this conversation to be private - but if she's elsewhere, he'll check there as well. ]
I've been thinking about writing letters for everyone, just in case... well. You know. But this one is for someone else, and I'm gonna give it to him when I see it again.
I did. And... it is. I noticed that you're calling Kimihiro by his first name now, so I think if he trusts you with that, I can trust you, too. And he let you inside of his heart as well. But can you promise to not tell the others?
I don't know if you figured it out when you went in there but. . . Kimihiro's emotions right now- they're really messed up. Because a part of his soul got destroyed. He's recovering I think, but. I don't know if it's going to be enough.
I didn't say anything because I was afraid of what people would think of him. And after the dream last week. . . I couldn't tell too many people about it. Because people might see him as a-
[ Syaoran finds himself quiet, unable to meet Ann's gaze. ]
I think because it's been so long. . . it's hard. He's waited in that shop for a very long time, waiting for Yuuko-san. Or at least, her reincarnation.
He's talked to me. About the people he liked. But I think he was suffering because of that. But they're dead now. And I think that because of that, he might be scared of grasping that happiness as a human. Because Kimihiro will live for a very long time. Maybe even longer than me. But the people around him, those that he cares about. . . they might die in front of him. And seeing that?
It hurts.
He might want to seek another form of 'happiness' in order to make the pain go away. I saw him crying the other day, Ann. He's suffering. He's suffering so much, and I can't help but feel like I'm a part of the reason he's hurting.
His choice to stay in the shop was a part of a price he paid to get out of a void.
A void that was caused by my sin. He was only in there, forced to make that choice, to pay that price. . . because of me. Because in the end, Kimihiro is still another 'me'.
[ It's relatively early in the morning when Tsubasa wakes up, but even so, he's already seeking out Ann. Of course, he's defaulting to her room - knocking on the door if necessary - but if she isn't there, he'll look elsewhere, so where is she? ]
[ He's a little quiet as he steps in, closing the door behind him polite. He does denote that Mokona's hungry, though - maybe he'll make something for Mokona later, especially given that Kimihiro's completely asleep for what seems to be the rest of this wek. ]
I was a little overwhelmed and surprised about what happened yesterday, and I'm sure everyone else was too, considering how many people died... and how the trial all went. So don't worry about it. You have nothing to blame yourself over for.
She's really been through a lot and he isn't blameless for any of it. ]
I truly am sorry.
[ He feels like he has to repeat that, to show remorse for his actions. Because while he knows what he did - knows the reason why he did it - that doesn't excuse that he had, in the end, hurt her.
At first, he isn't entirely certain of what to say. He feels that everything that could come out would simply be platitudes, and she's not sure how she'll take it. It's like walking on eggshells.
But eventually, he manages: ]
We just have a little more... and then everything will be alright.
[ He's a little quiet for once, making a noncomittal sound. It's not agreement, but it isn't disagreement, either. ]
Maybe not. But maybe... I just wanted to believe in those words. It isn't going back, Takamaki-san— [ not Ann, he doesn't deserve to call her that, not anymore ] —but moving forward. Because there might be pain now, but that doesn't mean we can push forward and be alright again. If we can't do that, then...
[ He doesn't say it, but the words are implied there.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fullbodied) wrote2019-04-13 06:02 pm
week 3, saturday, post-trial
If she isn't there, he'll take a look elsewhere, of course. ]
Takamaki-san? Are you in there...?
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Yeah-- just a sec!
[she opens the door.
she looks... very tired.
and very sad, for her. Even though she's smiling.]
Hey, Syaoran-kun.
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I won't ask if you're doing alright, but... would you want to talk for a bit?
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Yeah. I'd like to not be alone... Dumb, isn't it? Even now, I still want to rely on others.
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[ He shakes his head at that response. ] It isn't dumb at all. It's only natural that you would want to rely on other people, you know?
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[and another smile at that.]
Hey, can I tell you something?
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[she sits on the edge of the bed and looks down.]
And I was bluffing about stealing Nirrti's heart. But I'm gonna try, that much I'm sure of.
... And it was a mistake to offer to switch places with Akira.
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[...]
Is this about what Akira-san was saying earlier?
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I was still, despite everything, trying to pretend this could somehow be fixed but--
[her breath hitches]
... We spent the whole trial for Ryuji's murder talking about him. I can't forgive that. I thought, when I saw him, I could.
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[ He knows that all too well, from experience. ]
And you don't have to, Takamaki-san. That's your choice. The fact that the story that the Witch of Misfortune [ yeah, screw calling her by her true name ] said probably muddled up a lot of things, too, especially given that Akira-san was also...
[ "Dead", he doesn't say, but implies. And to be honest, seeing him come back to life like that made him feel something swirl in the pit of his stomach, conflicted about the act more than the fact that Akira was back... just to simply get punished again.
And it even hurt. It twisted in his chest that his original target was Takumi.
Because he had brought it up during the trial, after all. That because of the intent, they could have been targeting someone else... and then wound up killing Ryuji instead. The entirety of it is all messed up, in the end. He can't help but wonder. ]
Even if you can't forgive him... or what happened during the entirety of the trial. Do you hate him?
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[said instantly.]
But... he's benefiting from a relationship we never built. I know that now.
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And I think he was sincere when he comforted me, when I was freaking out about some of my memories. And that he was trying to help. That part was true.
But moving past this... that's impossible. That was probably the biggest lie I told.
[she glances at him.]
I'm sorry, I just wanted to confess that to someone.
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And I think so, too. But... I understand, you know? What it's like. To see someone but it's not really them. And I've been on the other side of that as well, too. So if you ever want to talk about that, or anything at all, really... I'm willing to listen. To help as much as I can.
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Kimihiro knows, too. There's actually... [ A pause, as he glances down, reaching towards his chest. ] Myself, and the person most important to me were copied. As clones for a certain man's purpose.
[...]
I'm also aware that in different worlds, it's possible that you might run into someone familiar. Someone that looks like someone that you've met before, but they aren't the same person.
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What's the thing I should do?
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But I can tell you what I did. Even if they looked the same... they were, in the end, different people. So I always treated them as their own separate person. Because that's what they are, you know? It's kind of how you treat me and Kimihiro as different people, right? Even though we share the same existence.
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I'd hate him.
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[ He asks that question carefully, tentatively. ]
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I... I don't know. I don't think I do. I don't want to have feelings like that.
week 4, tuesday
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[ He shakes his head, correcting himself. It'll take him a while. ]
Ann. I'm not bothering you, am I?
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Mmm, nope. I'm just writing a letter. And Mokona's keeping me company!
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[ He assumes that's what it is. And he looks at Mokona and then smiles at him, too. ]
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I've been thinking about writing letters for everyone, just in case... well. You know. But this one is for someone else, and I'm gonna give it to him when I see it again.
Anyway... you wanted to talk, right?
[she sits up, and leans forward.]
Is this place okay?
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[ He smiles, in a way that seems fond. ]
I did. And... it is. I noticed that you're calling Kimihiro by his first name now, so I think if he trusts you with that, I can trust you, too. And he let you inside of his heart as well. But can you promise to not tell the others?
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I promise I won't tell anyone, you don't have to worry.
[she's not ryuji]
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Really?
[she knew about his emotions but, the important thing, the soul part. That's new.]
Is that why I only saw fragments?
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I didn't say anything because I was afraid of what people would think of him. And after the dream last week. . . I couldn't tell too many people about it. Because people might see him as a-
[ He stops there. ]
You're the second person I've told. About this.
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But the problem is, he can't see the connection between the happiness that he found as a human and the happiness that he found as a witch.
And... he thinks because he is a witch, he necessarily is different and separate from us.
[she pauses, and then looks at him earnestly]
I told the fragment to find a third way. But... Nirrti is really tempting. It's simpler, easier, and matches with everything he's been told.
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I think because it's been so long. . . it's hard. He's waited in that shop for a very long time, waiting for Yuuko-san. Or at least, her reincarnation.
He's talked to me. About the people he liked. But I think he was suffering because of that. But they're dead now. And I think that because of that, he might be scared of grasping that happiness as a human. Because Kimihiro will live for a very long time. Maybe even longer than me. But the people around him, those that he cares about. . . they might die in front of him. And seeing that?
It hurts.
He might want to seek another form of 'happiness' in order to make the pain go away. I saw him crying the other day, Ann. He's suffering. He's suffering so much, and I can't help but feel like I'm a part of the reason he's hurting.
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Why is this your fault...?
trc/xxxholic spoilers
A void that was caused by my sin. He was only in there, forced to make that choice, to pay that price. . . because of me. Because in the end, Kimihiro is still another 'me'.
week 6, sunday
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In fact, when she opens the door, she looks... a lil disheveled? for her? like she just woke up, and hasn't had time to completely tame her bedhead]
Oh--
[her face goes neutral.]
Hey. Wanna come in for a second?
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If you don't mind. Sorry if I bothered you this early in the morning.
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[she exhales, and steps back from the door to let him in.
Mokona is on the bed, and now he's hungry.
welp.]
It's fine, I should have went to see everyone yesterday...
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[ He's a little quiet as he steps in, closing the door behind him polite. He does denote that Mokona's hungry, though - maybe he'll make something for Mokona later, especially given that Kimihiro's completely asleep for what seems to be the rest of this wek. ]
I was a little overwhelmed and surprised about what happened yesterday, and I'm sure everyone else was too, considering how many people died... and how the trial all went. So don't worry about it. You have nothing to blame yourself over for.
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It's been fantastic.
I found out that I'd gotten close to my, what, fourth murderer? Fifth, if I count Anon? And now the kitchen's basically ruined for me.
I'm glad it's near the end, I can't take it anymore.
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She's really been through a lot and he isn't blameless for any of it. ]
I truly am sorry.
[ He feels like he has to repeat that, to show remorse for his actions. Because while he knows what he did - knows the reason why he did it - that doesn't excuse that he had, in the end, hurt her.
At first, he isn't entirely certain of what to say. He feels that everything that could come out would simply be platitudes, and she's not sure how she'll take it. It's like walking on eggshells.
But eventually, he manages: ]
We just have a little more... and then everything will be alright.
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That's not how any of this works, Syaoran. You don't go back to "alright."
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[ He's a little quiet for once, making a noncomittal sound. It's not agreement, but it isn't disagreement, either. ]
Maybe not. But maybe... I just wanted to believe in those words. It isn't going back, Takamaki-san— [ not Ann, he doesn't deserve to call her that, not anymore ] —but moving forward. Because there might be pain now, but that doesn't mean we can push forward and be alright again. If we can't do that, then...
[ He doesn't say it, but the words are implied there.
How are we any better than the Witch? ]