[ It's a little later in the day when Syaoran decides to seek out Ann alone. He's going to be checking her room first (knocking, naturally) - mostly because he wants this conversation to be private - but if she's elsewhere, he'll check there as well. ]
I've been thinking about writing letters for everyone, just in case... well. You know. But this one is for someone else, and I'm gonna give it to him when I see it again.
I did. And... it is. I noticed that you're calling Kimihiro by his first name now, so I think if he trusts you with that, I can trust you, too. And he let you inside of his heart as well. But can you promise to not tell the others?
I don't know if you figured it out when you went in there but. . . Kimihiro's emotions right now- they're really messed up. Because a part of his soul got destroyed. He's recovering I think, but. I don't know if it's going to be enough.
I didn't say anything because I was afraid of what people would think of him. And after the dream last week. . . I couldn't tell too many people about it. Because people might see him as a-
[ Syaoran finds himself quiet, unable to meet Ann's gaze. ]
I think because it's been so long. . . it's hard. He's waited in that shop for a very long time, waiting for Yuuko-san. Or at least, her reincarnation.
He's talked to me. About the people he liked. But I think he was suffering because of that. But they're dead now. And I think that because of that, he might be scared of grasping that happiness as a human. Because Kimihiro will live for a very long time. Maybe even longer than me. But the people around him, those that he cares about. . . they might die in front of him. And seeing that?
It hurts.
He might want to seek another form of 'happiness' in order to make the pain go away. I saw him crying the other day, Ann. He's suffering. He's suffering so much, and I can't help but feel like I'm a part of the reason he's hurting.
His choice to stay in the shop was a part of a price he paid to get out of a void.
A void that was caused by my sin. He was only in there, forced to make that choice, to pay that price. . . because of me. Because in the end, Kimihiro is still another 'me'.
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fullbodied) wrote2019-04-13 06:02 pm
week 4, tuesday
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[ He shakes his head, correcting himself. It'll take him a while. ]
Ann. I'm not bothering you, am I?
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Mmm, nope. I'm just writing a letter. And Mokona's keeping me company!
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[ He assumes that's what it is. And he looks at Mokona and then smiles at him, too. ]
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I've been thinking about writing letters for everyone, just in case... well. You know. But this one is for someone else, and I'm gonna give it to him when I see it again.
Anyway... you wanted to talk, right?
[she sits up, and leans forward.]
Is this place okay?
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[ He smiles, in a way that seems fond. ]
I did. And... it is. I noticed that you're calling Kimihiro by his first name now, so I think if he trusts you with that, I can trust you, too. And he let you inside of his heart as well. But can you promise to not tell the others?
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I promise I won't tell anyone, you don't have to worry.
[she's not ryuji]
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Really?
[she knew about his emotions but, the important thing, the soul part. That's new.]
Is that why I only saw fragments?
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I didn't say anything because I was afraid of what people would think of him. And after the dream last week. . . I couldn't tell too many people about it. Because people might see him as a-
[ He stops there. ]
You're the second person I've told. About this.
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But the problem is, he can't see the connection between the happiness that he found as a human and the happiness that he found as a witch.
And... he thinks because he is a witch, he necessarily is different and separate from us.
[she pauses, and then looks at him earnestly]
I told the fragment to find a third way. But... Nirrti is really tempting. It's simpler, easier, and matches with everything he's been told.
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I think because it's been so long. . . it's hard. He's waited in that shop for a very long time, waiting for Yuuko-san. Or at least, her reincarnation.
He's talked to me. About the people he liked. But I think he was suffering because of that. But they're dead now. And I think that because of that, he might be scared of grasping that happiness as a human. Because Kimihiro will live for a very long time. Maybe even longer than me. But the people around him, those that he cares about. . . they might die in front of him. And seeing that?
It hurts.
He might want to seek another form of 'happiness' in order to make the pain go away. I saw him crying the other day, Ann. He's suffering. He's suffering so much, and I can't help but feel like I'm a part of the reason he's hurting.
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Why is this your fault...?
trc/xxxholic spoilers
A void that was caused by my sin. He was only in there, forced to make that choice, to pay that price. . . because of me. Because in the end, Kimihiro is still another 'me'.