[Another man might be suspicious of Ann approaching after she expressed such strong determination to motivate him into making friends, something Erhard hasn’t put much effort into. But Erhard isn’t the type to be suspicious of anything but an abnormal pathology report.]
[Oh. She’s about to corner him for that slight slip, isn’t she?]
If you’re referring to my remark about handling mental trauma, remember that I’m a surgeon who’s worked dozens of horrific trauma cases. Part of what I had to learn was how to compartmentalize any negative reactions to what I witnessed. I can handle things many others can’t.
Yes. The day they died, I was adopted. My needs were met, and my foster father encouraged my studies. He was a brilliant man who never disparaged my personality. There was no trauma in my childhood.
It's the truth. Whether or not you're convinced is none of my concern. My past has no impact on my ability to watch over all of you in the capacity of a doctor and an agent of the Foundation, either.
[He sounds perfectly calm, not bitter or irritated at her prying. He has no reason to be unsettled, after all, she's focused on his childhood and not that: the incident she'd only know if she'd seen his "source canon." She certainly won't ever hear it from his lips.]
Your concern for me is... appreciated, but unnecessary.
We can't make that judgement until we know the full nature of the SCP. Part of our duty is to maintain professional distance from our experiences, to more effectively evaluate them. Even if those emotions were genuine, they weren't ours, so we have to find out their origin.
[He remembers the tears on his face, too much like the ones he shed in that cell in Resurgam, the ones pulled from him by Holden's blunt words and his own shame. Something feels unpleasantly tight in his chest, another thing to compartmentalize and leave for a much later time.]
I... don’t think it’s wrong, though. We’re trying to protect people from dangers they can’t understand.
[When someone strangles their gut feelings to the point where they ignore them automatically, maybe they buy into other people’s rhetoric with blind faith....]
[Erhard was unconscious for the horrible discovery, but he knows who's dead now. He's had some time to grieve in his way. Now Ann needs all the comfort they can give her, because no one so young and kind should have to see what she saw.
He knocks tentatively on her door, part of him hoping the young woman is with someone she can trust so she isn't alone on this awful night.]
... Ann? [If he's comforting her as a friend, he should use her first name, right?] It's Erhard.
[it takes a while to respond-- and when she does, it's from... behind him? Like she's coming from another part of the mansion. Her eyes are red, and her face is puffy.
[He turns and sees the open grief in her face. The unfamiliar tightness in his chest is almost crushing this time. The pain of losing Akira and Ryuji... god, he can't even imagine how she's feeling right now. He's grieving, too, but it's nowhere near how much she must be suffering.
This is... empathy.]
Ann, I... I'm sorry....
[He falters in this foreign territory, but the ache in his chest keeps him focused. She needs to feel secure, somehow.
[she freezes for a moment. a hug? she wouldn't have expected that, not after everything. not after his own issues. but he's trying so hard to help her that she melts after a moment, and her head thunks lightly against his shoulder.
her breath hitches and she tries so hard to not start crying again.]
[His face is still bruised and puffy from his fall, that's why his eyes are stinging. That's the only reason. Of course they'd water, they did earlier when he woke up.]
No, it's not... but it will be. We'll make this right.
[He'll hug her as long as she allows it. She's the one who started this process on that first day, she deserves to reap whatever benefit he can offer.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
MONDAY, post meeting
no subject
I don’t mind. What do you need?
no subject
Um... I wanted to ask you about something you said at the meeting today, before... we went with my bright suggestion...
no subject
If you’re referring to my remark about handling mental trauma, remember that I’m a surgeon who’s worked dozens of horrific trauma cases. Part of what I had to learn was how to compartmentalize any negative reactions to what I witnessed. I can handle things many others can’t.
no subject
I'd normally think that's what it was, but then I thought back to the conversation we had on day 1. And I'm not sure that's it alone.
no subject
[She doesn’t know. She can’t.]
no subject
no subject
no subject
[she's at least being honest.]
I just wanted to say... if you ever did feel like talking about it, I'd listen.
no subject
[He sounds perfectly calm, not bitter or irritated at her prying. He has no reason to be unsettled, after all, she's focused on his childhood and not that: the incident she'd only know if she'd seen his "source canon." She certainly won't ever hear it from his lips.]
Your concern for me is... appreciated, but unnecessary.
no subject
[she shakes her head, and wraps a stand of hair around her finger, twirling lightly.]
Unnecessary, I mean.
no subject
[Doubly artificial, since artificial minds were experiencing them. None of them are real. They're fiction.
He's dissociating again. He doesn't even blink as he shoves it down, forces himself back into the here and now.]
My only concern is keeping all of you safe. I won't fail again.
no subject
Nothing about how I felt was fake. Maybe it wasn't my emotions, but they were very real.
no subject
[He remembers the tears on his face, too much like the ones he shed in that cell in Resurgam, the ones pulled from him by Holden's blunt words and his own shame. Something feels unpleasantly tight in his chest, another thing to compartmentalize and leave for a much later time.]
no subject
I've... felt that way before. It was dark and scary, and it felt miserable to be back there again.
no subject
[Even if he can't offer advice on emotional issues, some people just need a sounding board.]
no subject
[she smiles, though it's very distant and subdued for her.]
You don't have to. In a weird way, I got my revenge for it, so it's just... a memory of a dark time.
no subject
no subject
I may look young and a little airheaded, but I've lived a complicated life too, you know?
no subject
no subject
Well... I want to help. I don't agree with their methods, but for the truly dangerous stuff, sure.
But there has to be a better way, rather than kidnapping people.
no subject
Or would they terminate him, since he isn't actually real?]
... regardless of how they acquired me, I gladly accepted their offer. They barely had to ask.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[she pauses.]
... What good is being useful if it's all wrong?
no subject
[When someone strangles their gut feelings to the point where they ignore them automatically, maybe they buy into other people’s rhetoric with blind faith....]
Week 3, Friday, evening
He knocks tentatively on her door, part of him hoping the young woman is with someone she can trust so she isn't alone on this awful night.]
... Ann? [If he's comforting her as a friend, he should use her first name, right?] It's Erhard.
no subject
she looks a mess.]
... Erhard-san?
no subject
This is... empathy.]
Ann, I... I'm sorry....
[He falters in this foreign territory, but the ache in his chest keeps him focused. She needs to feel secure, somehow.
So he pulls her into a gentle, tentative hug.]
I'm so sorry....
no subject
her breath hitches and she tries so hard to not start crying again.]
I-It's... it's okay.
no subject
No, it's not... but it will be. We'll make this right.
[He'll hug her as long as she allows it. She's the one who started this process on that first day, she deserves to reap whatever benefit he can offer.]
no subject
[she's having trouble speaking, she wasn't made for this. not again.]
I-I'm sorry. This just... was way too similar...
no subject
[He's already asked before he realizes that might not have been a good idea.]
I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me.
no subject
no subject
[There's a lot of things she could be referring to, but only one that would upset her this much.]
... you mean the cause of de-- ah, I mean... what happened to the boys.
[And now she's lost two more friends the same way? How is she not catatonic right now?]